Day 5

Day 5: Beware of Jekyll and Hyde.

            We’ve all heard the stories or seen the TV shows. People have these wonderful pets that they love very much, they even become part of the family. Then all of a sudden the pet turns on it’s owners and the boa constrictor named Hector eats the family’s youngest son. The family forgot that the animal is an animal and has natural urges and tendencies. That is exactly what happened yesterday. A guest turned on the staff.           

           

            When one works in a hotel where there is a high percentage of repeat guest and regulars, there is the chance to arrive at familiar grounds with a guest.  The staff knows the life story of these guests, inquires and cares about their children, and even sends them Christmas cards. The guests in turn learn about the staff and inquire about their children and, for example, how their test went last week. The dividing wall between guest and staff becomes thinner throughout the years of familiarity. This can become dangerous. The staff must always remember that they are not of us. There will come a time where the guest will have a bad day and take it out on the staff and reveal how they truly feel about the staff.

Yesterday, the phrase, “I pay for your salary”, was uttered in anger by a guest.  They will eventually reveal how little they think of you and your whole relationship, that took years to develop, will be tainted. I’m sorry. It feels horrible. One must put on a smile and move on as though nothing has happened even though you feel as though you just lost a friend. That is the nature of our industry. Smile through everything and remember that they are not one of us.

Hope that this aids your survival.

Good luck. Godspeed.

            

Day 4

Day 4: The Art of Not Reading

            It is alarming how many questions the guests ask. Yes, the staff is equipped to answer most questions, yet there are times when one must ask if the guest leaves their brain at the office.

            In this log we have already discussed the inability of most guests to take directions. This inability appears different once the guest is attempting to navigate the hotel property. Before we discuss the phobia of reading, we must first explain the layout of the hotel. It is an L-shaped hotel with only three floors. The lobby of the hotel is at one end of the L-shaped hotel. One can walk the length of an entire floor of the hotel in less than three minutes.

            Common questions that the staff will hear are as follows:

“Is it in this building?”

“Do I have to through the outside to get there?”

“Which way do I go?”

            Most of the questions could be answered if the guests simply looked at the building upon driving into the parking lot. Perhaps, they were too concerned with winning the perfect parking spot to look at the building, so we will excuse this lack of awareness. There is a frightening trend that only seems to worsen as the staff attempts to alleviate the problem. Guests have simply stopped reading signs.

            There are information books in each of the rooms with information on the locations of the gym, ice machines, vending machines, and business center. Perhaps the guests are too involved in their phone calls (another topic for another day) to look around their rooms for information or they might think that the book is a menu for room service. There is also a map on the inside of their bedroom door with the entire hotel layout. Again, we can assume that is another thing that can be easily overlooked. There are also large signs with words and arrows along the halls directing the guests. Perhaps our carpet is too fascinating to look away.

            Inevitably, the guest will come down to the front desk, annoyed, and ask the staff to the whereabouts of the ice machines. Inevitably the guest will say that they didn’t know what to dial in order to call the front desk, even though the fact they should have dialed zero is in bold print on the face of their phone. Inevitably, the guest asking for directions will be standing directly next to a large sign and map.

            Do not expect the guests to read. Just answer their questions.

Hope that this aids your survival.

Good luck. Godspeed.            

Day 3

Day 3: An Ode to Michael Jackson’s Son, Blanket.

The following post is a digression, but it is far too ridiculous to resist sharing it with my fellow service industry soldiers.

I truly wish that I was falsifying or exaggerating this situation. Not because I wish that it did not occur, but it creates unease for what this situation means for society.

A man called the front desk at approximately 9pm. He stated that he had been quite cold the previous night. He then asked if he could get a blankie to keep him warm. No, that was not a misprint. He asked for a blankie. A full-grown man asked for a blankie.

Again, I wish that I were exaggerating in my recount of this situation, but the next interaction with this guest left me concerned. While I handed him the blanket he asked me how to use it. He asked me how to use the blanket. This was not a NASA created heating device. It was a standard blanket.  I explained that just had to open the blanket and spread it over his bed and then slip under the covers.

This interaction concerned me because this guest works for one of the top telecommunication companies in the country; otherwise, I would have found this interaction comical. What is the world coming to if we need to provide manuals for blankets?

Hope that this aids your survival or at least entertains you during your ordeals.

Good luck. Godspeed. 

Day 2

Day 2

Lessons in communication:

            When one gives directions to an incoming guest, the staff must remember that the guest only listens to the dialogue in his own head. He has already created this conversation in his own head and only needs your voice to act as white noise. He may not even let you speak. He may even tell you how to arrive at your hotel. Be prepared to receive at least two more phone calls from this guest when he has inevitably gotten lost. After the third time, the guest usually abandons their own dialogue and listens to the staff. He has been broken. Be prepared for him to come in agitated citing “the person that he spoke to gave him bad directions”. Proceed to check in. Do not engage in explanations. They will not soothe the dialogue in his head. And whatever you do, do not utter the phrase “just go out the way you came in” when giving future directions. This guest has already reimagined the entire landscape of your entire to resemble an ever-changing Labyrinth. Show him on a map or give him an address to punch into his GPS, because they are far more dependable than humans who live in the area.

            Hope that this aids your survival.

Good luck. Godspeed.

Day 1

Day 1

Cookie monsters:

            It is surprising how well camouflaged these cookie monsters are. They present themselves to the business world as controlled adult men and women in suits, poised to revolutionize the business world with their brilliant ideas, yet underneath lies a treacherous creature, waiting to burst from beneath the double breasted blazer. It is the cookie monster. Everyday they leave for work in an orderly fashion, but return disheveled, his every hope and dream pinned on the fresh baked cookies. The staff must bake fresh cookies everyday in order to appease these hungry monsters. If, perhaps, theses monsters arrive at the front desk and there are no cookies to ease their craving hearts, either because it not a scheduled cookie baking day or their fellow cookie monsters have already eaten the entire stock of baked goods, the cookie monsters will explode.

Under their well-dressed disguises lies one of three types of cookie monsters. The first is the petulant child. He may discuss mergers and profit margins in some of the most well known business during the day, but at night he screams in disbelief. His face falls and he blames the staff for every horrible situation that has befallen this child in a suit. He first questions the staff as to the absence of cookies, and then proceeds to whine. In order to survive this monster one must remember that every child needs some discipline in his life.

The second is the banshee. This monster speaks at normal volumes throughout the day, but once the promise of cookies is interrupted this monster’s voice have been registered to reach inhuman octaves. Do not be alarmed. This cookie monster will screech and cause the staff to question whether they just killed the monster’s child unknowingly, but the best approach to handle a banshee is to stay quiet. Do not engage. Just shrug and apologize. The burst of loud screams of agony will dissipate as quickly as they erupted.

The third is the joker. This cookie monster is almost always flanked by fellow cookie monsters of his kind, or at the very least, imagines that he is flanked. He at all times acts as though he has an audience. He will make the staff feel uncomfortable for not supplying his stupid grin with cookies. He will accuse the staff, jokingly of course, of hiding the cookies or worse eating all of the cookies themselves. Every joke will be designed to make the staff seem incompetent. The only way to survive this cookie monster is patience. He does not know how to stop himself and sees every item as material for comedy show of one. The staff must wait until he leaves.

Hope that this aids your survival.

Good luck. Godspeed. 

Musing of a Muse

Kiehl’s Creamy eye treatment with Avocado.

Hello Hydration!

Everyone knows how much I like eye creams, especially any that promise to solve all of my puffy eye problems, so you can imagine how excited I was to try Kiehl’s Creamy Eye Treatment with Avocado.

According to Kieh’s:

This creamy preparation with Avocado Oil, gently moisturizes the delicate eye area. Our unique, concentrated texture does not migrate into your eyes. Ophthalmologist-Tested. Dermatologist-Tested.

The Good…

Don’t let the avocado colored eye cream fool you; you won’t be stuck with green Shrek eyes all day after application. As far as the promise of hydration goes, this treatment delivered. It is the most hydrating eye treatment that I have ever tried (and I’ve tried many).

The Bad…

With the intense hydration comes intense slippage. So, if you like a product that you can just slap on quickly and then put your makeup over, this product is not for you. The eye treatment does not dry enough for concealer and eyeshadow application for at least twenty minutes, impractical for most people. My advice is to use it as a night treatment, before bed, and maybe on days off when you give your skin a break from makeup (do those days really exist?)

All Laquered Up.

Illamasqua has just announced their Spring Collection. The new collection brings a surprise for Illamasqua nail varnish addicts, the redistribution of their cult varnish, Scarab. Illamasqua describes Scarab as a deep metallic red while fans describe it as ruby slippers meet beetle sheen.  Scarab is a very opaque polish. Just one coat and you can’t even see my smile line. Cult polish collectors know that Illamasqua is well known for its quality and streak free formula. The color is reminiscent of OPI’s Thanks So Muchness polish form the Alice in Wonderland Collection but with a silver undertone. Although British readers will have no problem finding this varnish in their local Selfridge store, American readers can only pick up a bottle from Sephora’s website.

Are you going to pick a bottle?